Abandonment can have significant psychological, emotional, and social effects on the abandoned person. Our previous true story of abandonment, My Father’s Regret talks about a woman who tried for decades to gain the affection and acceptance of the father who abandoned her as a toddler. Being abandoned by someone who was supposed to provide care, support, and love can be deeply traumatic and may have a long-lasting impact. We have listed below only a few of the effects abandonment can have on a person, particularly a child. Under those, we have also listed a few effective techniques to help cope with the effects of abandonment.
Low self-esteem: Abandonment can damage a person’s self-worth and self-esteem. The person may internalize the belief that they are unlovable or not deserving of love and care which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and a persistent sense of emptiness.
- Trust issues: Abandonment can also lead to profound mistrust in relationships. Most people who have experienced abandonment may struggle to trust others, fearing being betrayed or left again which causes the inability to form close and intimate relationships.
- Emotional Instability: Abandonment can trigger intense emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and shame. The person may find it difficult to regulate his or her emotions, experiencing mood swings and feeling overwhelmed by their feelings. They may develop negative coping mechanisms such as avoidance and detachment.
- Fear of rejection and intimacy: Abandonment can also create the fear of rejection and a reluctance to engage in close relationships.
- Attachment issues: Abandonment can disrupt the development of secure attachment. Some people who have experienced abandonment struggle with forming healthy, trusting bonds with others and display an attachment style by clinginess.
- Difficulty with self-reliance: Abandonment can undermine a person’s belief in their own ability to be self-sufficient. The person may rely excessively on others for validation, support, and decision-making.
Now, we have a few suggestions on healthy ways to deal with the effects of abandonment.
Dealing with the effects of abandonment can be very challenging but it is possible to heal and move forward with time and effort.
Acknowledge your feelings: It is very important that you allow yourself to experience and express the emotions that may arise out of abandonment. Know that it’s ok to feel anger, sadness, and hurt. Give yourself permission to grieve and process these emotions as they arise.
Seek Support: Reach out to a therapist, trusted friends, and family members who can provide a supportive and non-judgmental space for you to talk about your feelings. Sharing your experiences with others can help you feel that you are not alone and provide valuable insights and perspectives. Having a strong support network can help combat feelings of abandonment and isolation.
Practice self-compassion: It’s crucial to be kind and gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that abandonment is not your fault and that you deserve the love and care you were denied of. Do your best to engage in self-care activities that nurture your well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, meditation, etc.
Challenge negative beliefs: Abandonment can sometimes lead to negative self-thoughts like feeling unworthy or unlovable. Do your best to challenge these beliefs by replacing them with positive affirmations and recognize your value and strengths.
Establish healthy boundaries: Abandonment can make it difficult to trust others and form healthy relationships. Learn to set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being and allow you to build trust gradually. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly with others.
Focus on personal growth: Use the experience of abandonment as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Explore your own interests, set goals, and invest in your personal development. By focusing on yourself and your personal development, you can build resilience and a stronger sense of self.
A very important thing to remember is that healing takes time, and everyone’s journey is different. With that in mind, be patient and compassionate with yourself as you try to heal from the effects of abandonment.
